That story can start long before your first job. Maybe it began in conversations with your parents about college, money, or what a respectable career looked like. Maybe you were expected to follow in someone’s footsteps or achieve the opportunities they never had. You might have admired a particular profession without knowing much about the life that came with it. Sometimes the fears of others not wanting you to make their mistakes pushes you down a certain path.
“I never went to college and I worked minimum wage for years… I never had these opportunities! You shouldn’t waste them!”
There’s that word… “should”
Somewhere along the way, someone else’s dream became your destination. You learned what to aim for and how to measure your progress, perhaps without much room to ask why you wanted it. You can become very good at pursuing that dream. You can earn the title, the salary, and the recognition. Other people can look at your life and see exactly what they hoped for you.
And you can still feel miserable. But why?
When your working life pulls you away from your values, from what gives you meaning and dignity, success can feel increasingly disconnected from who you are. There is also the cost of getting there: the things you set aside, the parts of yourself you made less room for, the compromises you expected would eventually feel worth it. Then you arrive, and the satisfaction you were counting on doesn’t come. You have worked hard for a destination that may never have been yours, and sacrificed things that were.
Sometimes, the people whose approval you were chasing barely pause before asking about the next goal. Another promotion. A bigger opportunity. Congratulations…but don’t rest on your laurels.
It sounds a lot like “You got an A?? Why didn’t you get an A+?”
If the work itself holds little meaning for you, that can leave you with very little to enjoy between achievements. There is always another milestone to chase, set once again by someone else.
This doesn’t mean you have to give up ambition or choose between success and happiness. It does mean the reason behind your ambition deserves some attention.
Start with this question: Whose dream am I living, and when did it become mine?
Think back to what you wanted when you were younger. Then consider the times you have felt happiest and most energized at work, even in your very first job. What were you doing? What mattered about it? How much room does your career make for those things today?
You don’t need to decide your entire future from those answers. They can help you begin to see whether the success you’re pursuing is connected to a life you actually want to live.
This is the exploration we begin in the Identity track inside Innervates.
